Here’s what I know.
I know how to be single.
I know how NOT to be single, which curiously, is not the same thing as knowing how to be in a relationship.
I know that in gay years I’m 375 years old and I’m on the 6th or 7th incarnation of myself.
I’ve got a long way to go.
Yes, I keep coming back as me…a nuanced version.
Like the new and improved Iphone tadaaahh!
Or sometimes like the New Windows that has to be sent back for glitches that can’t be fixed, not this time around. Live with the glitches.
I know that each new me looks a little different; smells a little different, depending on who’s touched me, or held me in their arms.
I know that I’ll pick up a new word, forget an old song
and not be able to place why I hate peas now, when I used to love them.
I know that I know that I know that I know how to be single now.
I’m not afraid to admit that I like it…
Especially when my clothes pile high in the corner of my room and there is no sign of me lifting a finger to fix it
I like single when I can go to bed at 8 pm or 8 am and no one will frown at me in disapproval.
I like it when I sing too loud or want to stay silent for days.
I like single because it CAN be all about me
Or it can be all about giving all of me for something I love.
I know I hate single because I have to fold the sheets alone.
I hate single ’cause there’s no one to help with the dogs.
I know how to be single though.
Now, this time around
and I’m good at it.
I know how to be the only single person in the room and still have fun.
I can go to a new restaurant sans company and leave full and proud of myself.
I can challenge myself to do something I’ve never done before but always wanted to try
and be my biggest fan when I succeed.
I can fall flat on my face
lose my mind just a little
that I am good enough anyway.