Somewhere along the way, I developed a couple of healthy coping mechanisms to accompany my very unhealthy ones; one of which is painting. Around the age of 19, I realized that I could draw a face and body that amounted to more than just a stick figure. I had recently moved to California, and didn’t have many friends. I lived about a five-minute drive from the water, and so I would take a journal and pencil and draw the faces of my friends from back home. I missed them. I soon bought some paints and canvas and trusted that my hands wouldn’t fail me.
Ever since, I have used painting as a release. It’s a gradual release after all. It takes time to imagine the image, pick the colors, project the pain from inside of me onto the canvass. Afterward, I have a visual timeline of my trials. It allows me to look back; see how far I’ve come. I’ve painted happier things for others; joined an art show here and there, but my painting has really been for me.
Here are a few.
This is called Ten Cuidado Con Mi Corazon. (Be careful with my heart)
I never gave this one a name. This is a self-portrait. I am obviously angry and sad, and I remember wishing that memories were flammable.
This one is called Gravity. The words on the side are the lyrics from the Sara Bareilles song.
This is Inside Out.The textured pieces on the right of the painting are dried flower petals.
This wasn’t actually painted during trying times…well fully. It began as a gift for my ex. She was moving into a new house, and wanted art for her walls. She returned it to me after we broke up last year. In hindsight, it may not have been the best idea to paint us as calaveras…
This is called Rebirth. I painted it in the last year as a reminder of the journey back to sanity that I have made since my ex and I broke up. I purposely made her pink (some would say bruised) and weak, because in my head, that’s how one begins.
Below is my most recent work. It is unfinished. I look at it every day and think maybe one day it will be finished. It’s called Lady In Waiting.