Into Habit: Bikram Part II

I have officially attended 15 classes in 3 weeks. Phew! I actually joined the challenge they offered, 20 classes in 28 days. 10 of my classes count towards this, so I’m right on track. Can I just say how proud of myself I am right now? I’m SUPER proud of myself!!!

These are the hard things I’ve noticed:

1. My knees hurts.

2. My back hurts.

3. Ok. Everything hurts. They remind us it’s supposed to hurt. I remind myself I’m not alone.

4. It’s freaking hard to make it to 5 classes a week! Do these people have jobs????? I mean, seriously.

5. I have to do way more laundry than I want to. Stinky sweaty clothes and towels everyday!

These are the positives I’ve noticed:

1. I can literally see myself melting away. Ok. So that’s not literal, but I like saying literally. (In an English accent)
Really though, in 15 classes, my clothes fit better and my tummy is slimming. Total win!

2. My skin is sooooooo soft! Is this supposed to happen? Maybe the constant sweaty detox action. I love feeling my oh so soft skin! Another win!

3. I drink tons of water now and skip the soda. Maybe it’s because I know I’m working so hard. I don’t wanna ruin it, or maybe I just realized how much I like water. Come to think of it, maybe all the water has everything to do with my soft skin. Hmmmm Win again!

4. I have made my lunch for work every night before bed. This is a result of trying to save money, cause Bikram money is no joke. Ouch in the pocket book! But also, it’s helping me eat smaller portions, experiment with yummy recipes, and all around add to the happy feelings I have about myself.

4. I drink less alcohol. I like to drink, not like fall down drunk, more like a drink after work drink. I like to hang out at my neighborhood hole in the wall and watch the Spurs with friendly faces. I walked in the other night on my yoga night off and I heard “Where have you been” from several peeps. Maybe I was there a bit too much.

5. I am more pleasant to be around. I’m not as grumpy. I feel light and centered. Balanced. I even did my taxes early! Coincidence? I think not people!

6. I’m making yoga friends. These people are REALLY nice. It’s sort of weird how nice they are. It’s sort of weird how nice I am. Weird, weird, weird. I mean, my friends think I’m awesome and all, but I wouldn’t call myself nice exactly. “I smiled at the son-of-a-bitch ‘for I could help myself!” If you don’t know where that’s from you are missing out. Look it up.

7. I want to go. I don’t like missing. So far, I’ve been to five classes a week. If I didn’t have night meetings, I would go another day.

This is starting to be a habit. I bought a one month unlimited membership, but I will definitely buy another, and maybe the six month membership. This feels too good. I can’t stop now, and I won’t. #winning

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Back to Bikram: Yikes!

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It’s a new year! Yay! Of course this means it’s time to whip myself back into shape. (Let’s all chuckle together)

Ok. Done? Now for some back-story.

If you are unaware of what Bikram Yoga is, it is a type of hatha yoga characterized by a set series of postures and breathing exercises, performed in a room heated to a very high temperature. It’s comprised of 26 postures that usually take about 90 minutes to complete. You do the same postures every time. This allows for you to gauge your progress from session to session. The act of going through this (torture) is called your practice.

If you take a look at my online account, you will see that I have been practicing Bikram since Nov. of 2009. Yup. It looks like I’ve been doing this forever. I should be able to teach it. Nope. If  you take a closer look at my account, you will see that aside from a few months of auto pay at the student rate while I was in grad school, I have usually payed and attended sporadically, maybe a month at a time at the most. First of all, Bikram is expensive, not for for the masses in my opinion, and I AM the masses. $100+ per month means less of lots of other things, but since gas is so cheap now, I feel like I can maybe do it, maybe with just small cuts here and there. Maybe. And also, I applied for pay as you earn for my student loans…but let’s also not think of that because the anxiety is already creeping in. Also, my car is about to die, but dammit I deserve this!!

When I say that I deserve this, it is the part of my brain that remembers how great it feels to be in that room for 90 minutes, my meditation, my workout, my 90 minutes of peace.

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No, the picture above is not me, and no, at my third consecutive day of practice (this time around), I do not feel any of those peaceful feelings…yet. See, when you begin again, it is HARD. I don’t mean hard like zumba hard, or running hard. I mean, OH MY GOD I THINK I MIGHT CRY hard, or, AM I HAVING A HEART ATTACK hard. Also, this time, I am much heavier than I was before. Yoga while chunky is NOT fun. Now wait, I am a body positive person. I think I am sexy at any weight, but now I notice things, like some questionable marketing tools that I’ve seen in the dressing room, like one cartoon of a large person, biggest loser style as motivation to join a challenge. Harmless? Perhaps. Yes, I think I need to be healthier. I was thin and toned and sexy in that way for much of my life, and now my body has changed in ways that sometimes I am not used to, or comfortable with, so back to Bikram. It works for me, but what I’ve noticed, by the cartoon, the postures, and the directions for the postures, is that it REALLY isn’t meant for fluffy people, overweight people, people like me.

So, a posture like the one above, standing separate head to knee pose or Dandayamana – Bibhaktapada – Janushirasana

looks nothing like that when I do it, well because, boobs, and belly. Ouch. It’s like this with several poses. As I struggle and stretch and will my boobs to shrink during a pose, I hear the calm voice of our instructor. “It doesn’t matter how deep into a posture you go, just that you are attempting it the correct way. You are still getting the benefits.” So all is not lost. It may look ugly, but it’s still working, and one of these days, I’ll relive the feeling of peace I remember. After all, I keep coming back for a reason.

This IS for me, and I’ll get there, wherever there is.

I’m happy to report that I have already seen a small bit of progress. Yesterday, I only lay in Savansana once. Yay me! Small victories people.

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Today, my goal is to not lie down at all. We shall see.

This is my new mantra as I begin again. “It’s never too late. It’s never too bad. You’re never too old or too sick to start from scratch again. ” Let’s see where it takes me this time. Wherever it takes me, it’s always worth it, and so am I.

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*I am hoping to keep this up, blog posts and all. Hopefully, I will be able to go for more than a month this time. Have your own Bikram story? Feel free to share in the comment section.